waiting . . .

Waiting is such an idle verb.

Doing nothing but sitting in anticipation of what's to come.

Should waiting with anticipation be idle?

I don't think so, but for me it is.

I seem to have a huge problem with waiting.

It makes me feel stuck.

These days more than ever.

Partly because I don't really know

exactly what I'm waiting for.

I long to be somewhere else.

I've done what I can and now I can only stand still.

Maybe it's the anticipation that's causing the problem.

I think too much.

I plan too far ahead.

I react emotionally.

I shift between several identities.

I'm not living my life to the fullest and I know it,

yet I do nothing but try to convince myself that sitting here

waiting in anticipation is going to get me somewhere.

Waiting really makes me feel useless.

So why do I continue to sit here?

Because somehow waiting has become safe

and it gives me an excuse to avoid taking anymore risks,

at least for the time being.