Wednesday, July 20, 2011


"The stone that has been encasing my heart has been cracked.  
The Lord took a chisel and a hammer and when I asked, He did His work."
- Jan 23, 2000
This is a picture that I drew 11 years ago.  I'll never claim to be any sort of visual artist, but I drew it in my journal at the time when God got a hold of my heart and lead me to become a Christ follower, so for me it's significant. 

Lately God has been working on my heart in what feels like the same way.  Over the past few years I have slowly rebuilt that cold hard stone casing around my heart.  A casing that would eventually confine and constrict my heart.  Bottom line, I allowed my life circumstances and my experiences to stir up an ugly cold concrete composed of the grit and shale of hurt, pain, resentment, unforgiveness, disappointment, and discouragement.  I dumped that concrete around my heart, walked away, and let it harden.   It just seemed easier to let the dingy, gunky, cold, hard stone remain.  Despite the fact that I knew the One with the chisel and hammer, I gave up. I resisted that swift hard blow that could have shattered that stone in an instant.  I ran away from God.  I was so tired of failing,  so tired of fighting and so tired of holding on that I made the decision to let go.  I CHOSE to let go of my God and in doing so I was plunged into quite a scary place of darkness.   Not the kind of darkness I knew before knowing Christ because this time I was constantly aware of a light that radiated a glare that hurt my eyes as I huddled in the dark... My God was there waiting with the chisel and hammer, but I rebelled and refused Him.    I let go of Him and like a child I closed my eyes, plugged my ears and sang out loudly "la la la la la!" hoping not to hear or see Him.

The amazing thing is that He certainly didn't let go of,  lose sight of , or stop listening to me.  He wouldn't shatter the stone around my heart until I asked Him, but He certainly held on tight to me.  He pursued and pursued and ceaselessly pursued me.  He poked.  He prodded.  He convicted. He opened my eyes and He gently removed my hands from my ears.  But most importantly, He simply just loved me.  He allowed me to fall and fail but was determined to constantly remind me that I was His forever.

And the most beautiful thing?  When I finally allowed Him to shatter the stone, He forgave me.  The thought of such amazing grace truly overwhelms my liberated heart. 

"The stone that has been encasing my heart has been cracked.  
The Lord took a chisel and a hammer and when I asked, He did His work again."
- July 20,2011

Sunday, July 17, 2011

It's been a while huh?

Well... I guess it's fair to say that I can't really consider myself a blogger anymore, seeing that it's been well over a year since my last post.  There are a lot of reasons why I stopped blogging,but I feel a little like this blog is incomplete.... like it needs one final post before I can pack it up, put it away in the attic and move on.  So I suppose one more is on it's way.