The other day when Virginia and I were downtown taking some artsy headshots for my upcoming auditions, we met a man named Roberto. Virginia was in the middle of giving me some sort of direction on how to pose in the snow, both of us were rather self absorbed, when out of nowhere a man appeared. He was a man in his late 30's, wearing glasses, dressed warmly in a hooded parka- he looked pretty normal. He stood for a minute trying to figure out what we were doing. Of course being 2 young women on a downtown side street, V and I were a little nervous and were really hoping that he would just go away.
Then he asked "I really hate to bother you ladies, and I know I'm probably creeping you out, but I'm in need of $2. The homeless shelter down the street is full and because it's so cold out I'd like to stay in a hostel for the night." I was kind of taken aback, not by him asking for money but by the fact that he was turned away from the shelter and had to resort to asking for money to stay elsewhere. I didn't have my wallet on me and I felt horrible that I couldn't give him anything. Virginia gave him a $5 bill. "Oh here's 3$ change, I really only need $2," He said. Imagine that, a homeless man providing change! Something inside prompted me to "risk" having a conversation with him. I looked him in the eye and asked him how he felt about having to resort to this. I just couldn't believe the situation he was in, nor could I imagine the frustration. It seemed ridiculous. For him it was old hat. He told me that this was what usually happened. As he began to walk away, I apologized for not being able to help him more. "But," I said in desperation, "I will be praying for you." He stopped, turned to looked at me, smiled and with such sincerity said "thank you, I'd really appreciate that, my name is Roberto." And off he walked. I'll probably never see that man again, but I have found myself thinking a lot about him this week.
All I really remember about Roberto were his eyes. How many times have I walked by a homeless person on the street without giving them a second look, or with every effort avoided looking at them so that they wouldn't harass me for money. As I looked Roberto in the eyes I saw that he was a man no different from me - just different circumstances. He was a man who had a soul, a man who had dreams, a man who had needs, a man who had struggles, a man who was frustrated. What I really saw was that Roberto was a man who needed a saviour more than anything - just like me. If only I could do more.
I have realized this week how often I avoid looking others in the eye , especially those who seem hard to understand and to love. You know the old saying, "the eyes are the window to the soul"? It's true. It's easier to avoid looking another in the eye because in many ways it forces us to see ourselves in them. I'd be a fool to think that that's all that's required in order to reach out to others, it's a first step though. How can we help those in need if we can't genuinely make an effort to see who they are and relate to them as fellow human beings. If we can't look them in their eyes how can we ever expect to see life through their eyes?
I imagine that all of the gospel stories of Jesus interacting with people, whether it be the poor, the outcasts, the disciples, the prostitutes, the tax collectors etc. Have one thing in common - the stories really begin with Jesus looking each of them in the eye in an effort to affirm that He knows them, understands them and unconditionally loves them.
My prayer for Roberto ~ That he will meet someone who will not be afraid to look him in the eye and as a result will see the same thing I saw in him - a bit of myself. I pray that this person will actually go beyond the first step and will somehow affirm for Roberto that Jesus Christ is the only One who will ever really know Him, understand Him and unconditionally love Him.
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