This singing thing has so many ups and downs. What drives me crazy is that one minute you're up and the next minute you're on a fast and steep slope downward. It kind of makes me want to hurl. . . . I've never really enjoyed roller coasters.
I seriously need to stop doing this with my feet ! ! !
The other day I had the most wonderful moment as I was waiting in the wings just before my entrance on stage in La Boheme. It was a moment of overwhelming gratitude. I get so excited when I finally get to perform for an audience - excited to finally share after so much hard work. There's just nothing that beats sharing a character, great music, and a story with an audience. As I was standing there thinking to myself 'well this is it, it's finally here - performance time!! Yaaaay!!' I couldn't help but thank God at that very moment for providing me with the opportunity to do what I truly love to do. I even got a little choked up thinking about it. There's no other place I'd rather be than on the stage. There's no other place where I feel more like myself. (Weird when I'm usually playing characters who are nothing like me) I suppose I feel that I'm doing what I am designed to do. . . I don't know. But I do know that I wouldn't be doing it if God hadn't provided the opera-tunities. I wonder how many people actually get to do what they truly love to do? I wonder how many people even know what they are made to do? I wonder how many people feel that loved by God? So undeservedly loved by the Creator of the Universe - the God who knows each of us so intimately that He graciously gives us the opportunities, the gifts, the endurance, and the discipline that not only glorify Him, but also provide for us such personal joy and fulfillment. I can do nothing but give thanks for all He has given me.
Last night I was cleaning up my e-mail box. Deleting e-mails from almost 2 yrs ago. (I'm the type who tends to let it all pile up.) As I was reading a few notes I had sent to some friends in the past I realized that I am just one big slab of cheese. Yup, I said it - I am cheese! When I gush I don't ever realize in the moment how cheesy I sound, but after time has passed I'm almost embarassed by it. Of course being the big cheese that I am I cried when reading some of the letters. . . I don't think my cheesiness will ever change though, it's definitely a part of who I am . . . I just need to embrace it. If I have to be cheese I hope I'm at least like a big hunk of brie. . . hard shell, soft smooth interior, not sharp, goes nice with berries, watercress crackers and wine, doesn't smell like feet. . . .
Admittedly this isn't something that is annoying to me as much as it is something that just makes me sad. I see it far too often - beautiful women who continue to pursue men even when it's clear that those men are not interested in her. I consider myself to be quite observant, and I can't tell you how often I've seen the hope in the eyes of those women who are acknowledged by the man who is clearly not at all into her or; how many conversations I've had with woman who continue to subtly bring up the name of a man who couldn't care less whether she exists or not. I suppose it's something that I recognize because I can't deny that I haven't been there myself several times. Over the past few years I've been seriously trying to guard myself from those false signals that men can irresponsibly put out there. If only we as women could rationally sit down, analyze and easily admit to ourselves 'he really isn't interested in me' and move on. I just wonder how many women waste time trying to get the attention of a man who in reality barely even notices her. I think that there are far too many beautiful women wasting time on men who are too blind to see their beauty.
And now for my rant about those men. I've been told that men can be completely oblivious, but seriously, I sometimes just think that those men simply don't know how to handle the admiration and rather than deal with it they try to ignore it. Men - it is down right irresponsible to dart a smile or chat it up with a woman who clearly has hope for more. I know several men who have dozens of women interested in them and I find it hard to believe that they aren't aware of the fact, when I can sit and see it as plain as the nose on my face from afar. I've sat and watched those men give false hope to women and I've watched women walk away with a hopeful glimmer in her eyes. Men - you need to be more responsible. If you're not sure if you're one of those men, ask someone. If you are more responsible, just think of how many hopeful female hearts you will reserve for men who really will nurture and give cause for hope.
> I watch all of those cheesy Disney teeny bopper shows on Saturday mornings (Hannah Montana, The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, Corey in the House, That’s so Raven etc.) And I kind of enjoy them.
> whenever my niece asks me to play with her, I try to talk her into playing doll house, even though I know she doesn’t like it, because when I was a little girl I never had a cool doll house but always wanted one.
