After two months of waiting for the work visa, today was definitely my breaking point. I was sure that today would be the long awaited departure date, but when the visa papers didn't show up yesterday as expected it was clear that I'd be stuck here until the end of the week. When they didn't show up today, I broke down and called the CPAF in tears looking to see what was up. I explained that I knew how ridiculous it is for me to get this upset at this point in the game when after two months I somehow managed to get through everyday with a hope of what tomorrow might bring. We're trying to track the papers but all we know is that they left the US on Sunday and are assumed to be floating about somewhere in Canada. Today I just couldn't be hopeful, the waiting and all the unexpected mishaps with this visa have been so wearing on me. All I can do is think the worst.
I suppose today was the day I finally believed all of Satan's lies and accusations that I have been hearing since I applied for the internship but have managed to push out until now. The accusations of being a complete fool. Giving up my job believing that all things will work out. Waiting until who knows when for a stupid piece of paper that will allow me to go and be a broke intern; will force me to give up my security, my friends, my family, my home and will leave me nowhere but as a struggling artist in the end. The lies that kept telling me that my hope was in vain. The lies that kept saying that perhaps this dream isn't worth the wait.
I got into my car tonight and went for a drive just to get my head in a different place. In my CD player was Josh Groban's new CD, Awake, which my Mom bought for me as a going away gift. Even though he's considered "popera" and all of the hoity toity profs from grad school frowned upon him because he was a sell out, I've always been a Groban fan or a "Grobanite" as they are ususally called. I'm a fan who can definitely appreciate his incredible voice and the way in which he has managed to maintain his integrity as an artist in the pop world. Anyway, as I was driving this song came on, written by a Canadian nonetheless, and I don't know what the writer's intentions where, but it reminded me of why I can't give up. I couldn't help but hear the song from Jesus' perspective.
You Are Loved (Don't give up)
By: Thomas Salter
Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world
when your heart's heavy, I
I will lift it for you.
Don't give up
Because you want to be heard
If silence keeps you, I
I will break it for you
Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved.
Don't give up
It's just the hurt that you hide
when you're lost inside, I
I'll be there to find you
Don't give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you, I
I will shine to guide you
Everybody wants to be understood
I suppose today was the day I finally believed all of Satan's lies and accusations that I have been hearing since I applied for the internship but have managed to push out until now. The accusations of being a complete fool. Giving up my job believing that all things will work out. Waiting until who knows when for a stupid piece of paper that will allow me to go and be a broke intern; will force me to give up my security, my friends, my family, my home and will leave me nowhere but as a struggling artist in the end. The lies that kept telling me that my hope was in vain. The lies that kept saying that perhaps this dream isn't worth the wait.
I got into my car tonight and went for a drive just to get my head in a different place. In my CD player was Josh Groban's new CD, Awake, which my Mom bought for me as a going away gift. Even though he's considered "popera" and all of the hoity toity profs from grad school frowned upon him because he was a sell out, I've always been a Groban fan or a "Grobanite" as they are ususally called. I'm a fan who can definitely appreciate his incredible voice and the way in which he has managed to maintain his integrity as an artist in the pop world. Anyway, as I was driving this song came on, written by a Canadian nonetheless, and I don't know what the writer's intentions where, but it reminded me of why I can't give up. I couldn't help but hear the song from Jesus' perspective.
You Are Loved (Don't give up)
By: Thomas Salter
Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world
when your heart's heavy, I
I will lift it for you.
Don't give up
Because you want to be heard
If silence keeps you, I
I will break it for you
Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved.
Don't give up
It's just the hurt that you hide
when you're lost inside, I
I'll be there to find you
Don't give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you, I
I will shine to guide you
Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved.
This was a great reminder not only that He is there for me when I am weak like today, but also because this is exactly what has fueled my faith these past two months. Getting His message of love to the lost is the reason He has called me to go and do His work at the CPAF. It's amazing how God will use artists to speak to our hearts. After being reminded of His message how could I ever possibly give up?
This was a great reminder not only that He is there for me when I am weak like today, but also because this is exactly what has fueled my faith these past two months. Getting His message of love to the lost is the reason He has called me to go and do His work at the CPAF. It's amazing how God will use artists to speak to our hearts. After being reminded of His message how could I ever possibly give up?
No comments:
Post a Comment