"The Big Q-tip"

My first week here has been interesting. Whenever I reflect back to my time here in Winona Lake in 2004, I usually pinpoint it as a time when I finally opened my ears to really hear God speak. It wasn't that I wasn't listening before, but I definitely needed a big cotton swab shoved in my ears in order for all the gunk that was blocking me from hearing correctly to be removed. That’s exactly what God did here in 2004 He shoved that swab in so deep and cleaned out all the gunk. After Masterworks, I was not ashamed of the dreams He had given me nor was I about to stifle them.

After this week I'm convinced that He has pulled out that big cotton swab again. My ears are being cleaned out of some major gunk once again. Maybe I should start calling this place "the big q-tip":) This time I'm really not enjoying it so much. The theme of the week has been giving up my dreams. In many ways I thought that coming here was about that, but clearly He sees it differently. God has been asking me loudly and with great clarity to lay everything on the altar, which indeed is what I strive to do everyday, but I didn't think that He would be asking me to give up, as in forget about the many dreams that I heard Him affirm in me here 2 years ago.

Many of my conversations with others have involved the very topic of giving up dreams. The first thing Dr. Kavanaugh said to me when we sat down to have our initial intern meeting this Monday was "If you want to do this kind of ministry work here or anywhere you have to be prepared to give up all of the plans that you have for yourself." This was inceredible to hear from him because He really is a man who has put those words into action. This was coming from a guy who only 25 years ago was an up and coming symphony conductor but gave it all up to start this ministry now called the Christian Performing Artists' Fellowship.

My roommate Meaghan and I have talked about it over and over again this week, she seems to be hearing similar things from God. Meaghan lead our worship night last night and taught us this song. It sums up very clearly what I've been struggling to genuinely say to God this entire week. I’m not sure if my heart really means it yet, but In comparison with His thoughts, His words, and His love and all that He is in my life, giving up my dreams should really be no sacrifice.

No Sacrifice
- Jason Upton
To You I give my life
not just the parts I want to
To You I sacrifice
these dreams that I hold on to.

Your thoughts are higher than mine
Your words are deeper than mine
Your love is stronger than mine
This is no sacrifice
Here's my life.

To You I give the gifts
Your love has given me
How can I hoard the treasure
that you designed for free

Because Your thoughts are Higher than mine
Your words are deeper than mine.
Your love is stronger than mine.
This is no sacrifice

Here's my life.

To You I give my future
as long as it may last
to you I give my present
To you I give my past.

Because Your thoughts are Higher than mine
Your words are deeper than mine.
Your love is stronger than mine.
This is no sacrifice
Here's my life.