Broken Juice Bottles

Yesterday morning started off with my juice bottle falling off the kitchen table onto the floor. The plastic bottle cracked and the juice splattered up my legs. I stood there for a minute in shock staring at the completely broken bottle and watching the juice pour out onto the kitchen floor.

Later that evening as I stepped out of the car with my other juice bottle in hand, I got caught and fell hard on my knees onto the cold grainy pavement. I looked up from the ground after falling and off in the distance was another completely broken bottle of juice gushing out onto the pavement. My knees were all cut up and scrapped. They throbbed and stung with pain, but I found myself more bothered by my broken juice bottle. Two in one day! After all the time I had spent juicing the fresh juice the night before, there it was in a puddle on the dirty pavement. I've been fasting this week and the juice has been the main source of fuel for my body. I needed that juice for sustenance.

As I sat at Solemn Assembly last night I found my mind completely wandering during the last prayer unit, wandering to the many distractions in my life. One thing in particular, something that has been bothering and plaguing me for months was consuming my thoughts, an issue involving my future. Suddenly in mid thought the Holy Spirit prompted me to see how completely inconsiderate I was being, how utterly disrespectful I was being to my God who was standing before me ready to listen. How small of me, I couldn't even pay attention during a short allotted time of prayer. My heart was suddenly grieved and for the first time I saw the extremity of the sin that this particular issue was causing. At that moment the Holy Spirit showed me how I have been trying to find satisfaction in future possibilities rather than in all that Jesus Christ is for me. I have been trying to place my trust in the future rather then in my God. I have been fueling myself with an insignificant source of hope. There I was thinking that seeing a specific aspect of my future settled would provide for me all that I need.

I've been trying to surrender this to God for months, but something has been keeping me from fully and completely giving it entirely up to Him. Last night I realized that it was the false sustenance of sin that was the cause of struggle and keeping me from truly giving it up to God.

As I came to Him in repentance last night, the image of those two broken juice bottles kept coming to mind. I was like one of those bottles filled with juice. Juice that was specially prepared for my needs. I was a vessel filled with false sustenance. Miraculously, He forced me to become like those two broken bottles last night. God forced me to my knees and broke me. As I repented and then poured out all my desires to Him, He listened, He forgave and He received. God showed me how truly He is my only sustaining power. Only Christ can satisfy all of my needs.

So this morning I find myself rejoicing in all that God is for me in Jesus Christ. I feel truly free for the first time in a long time and filled with joy. And I see the image of the broken juice bottles as beautiful. My knees are all scrapped and one is throbbing from falling so hard, but I find myself rejoicing in that too. Both images are reminders of how it took me suddenly falling hard on my knees so that I could break and empty myself of any of the false sustenance that comes from sin.

As I continue fasting today I find I don't need juice at all, the only sustenance I need comes from the love and power that my Lord, Jesus Christ has to offer me.