Monday, March 12, 2007

Indifference

Last night we had our monthly cpaf concert, and my performance scared me. It wasn't a horrid performance, it wasn't my best either. It was my attitude towards the performance that scared me. For the first time in the history of my singing career I just didn't care. I had no desire to sing, but I did it anyway. I didn't feel nervous or excited, I felt nothing. It was the feeling of indifference and apathy that frightened me. I'm pretty sure that my attitude came through as I was singing too. How is it that I could feel so indifferent about something that I'm so passionate about? How is it that I could treat the opportunity to get up on the stage and sing as a mere task that needed to be accomplished in my day, like something as simple as brushing my teeth. I felt worn before bed last night and today I feel even more worn out. Worn by my indifference. I really don't know who I am anymore, I feel like I'm losing myself.

1 comment:

~Melissa~ said...

Is it possible that to feel the highest highs, sometimes you have to feel a little low? Life is about balance right? Singing is, I find; balancing technique and artistry, physical balance, etc. Maybe you needed a little down time to remember that it is possible to feel indifferent, and that you don't like feeling that way, so it's even more of a reason to really enjoy and appreciate the many many many amazing times you have while singing. And I'm sure that anyone listening to you was awed and overwhelmed by your amazing voice as much as I always am. ~Melissa. xo :)