Monday, March 12, 2007
Last night we had our monthly cpaf concert, and my performance scared me. It wasn't a horrid performance, it wasn't my best either. It was my attitude towards the performance that scared me. For the first time in the history of my singing career I just didn't care. I had no desire to sing, but I did it anyway. I didn't feel nervous or excited, I felt nothing. It was the feeling of indifference and apathy that frightened me. I'm pretty sure that my attitude came through as I was singing too. How is it that I could feel so indifferent about something that I'm so passionate about? How is it that I could treat the opportunity to get up on the stage and sing as a mere task that needed to be accomplished in my day, like something as simple as brushing my teeth. I felt worn before bed last night and today I feel even more worn out. Worn by my indifference. I really don't know who I am anymore, I feel like I'm losing myself.