The Big "C"

The Big "C". That's what Tutty used to call cancer. I remember when he first said it. He looked at my Mom and said, "I have the big C don't I?" He never wanted to admit that He had it. I guess he thought that if the word was never actually said, we would never have to face the reality of it. Well we as a family did face the reality of it and I have come to dread hearing that word. Every time I hear it something in my heart leaps. Last night my Mom told me that Motc has officially been diagnosed with cancer. It's amazing what kind of emotions that one word was able to conjure up. I wonder if Tutty may have been on to something by avoiding the word. The word "cancer" can really own you if you let it.

Whose Ear?

As I continue my investigation as to how it is that the Indiana natives came to refer to themselves as hoosiers, I've come across yet another gem of a story to add to the "knock, knock" legend. Eric, who was born and raised here, recalls hearing in fourth grade that it's because a long time ago, there was a bloody battle between "some guys". The battle was so brutally violent that at the end of it there were amputated ears lying on the ground. In order to find out whose ear belonged to who they had to hold up each ear and call out "hoosier." Now that's funny!

A lesson FOR Auntie Diva

"It's so obvious Auntie, they're clearly the same song!"

The lil' Diva taught Auntie an unbelievable lesson yesterday. Did you know that the ABC song as in "Now I know my ABC's next time won't you sing with me" is set to the same tune as twinkle, twinkle little star? How is it that I majored in music and never figured that out?? My 17 month old neice is clearly a musical genius!!!

Indifference

Last night we had our monthly cpaf concert, and my performance scared me. It wasn't a horrid performance, it wasn't my best either. It was my attitude towards the performance that scared me. For the first time in the history of my singing career I just didn't care. I had no desire to sing, but I did it anyway. I didn't feel nervous or excited, I felt nothing. It was the feeling of indifference and apathy that frightened me. I'm pretty sure that my attitude came through as I was singing too. How is it that I could feel so indifferent about something that I'm so passionate about? How is it that I could treat the opportunity to get up on the stage and sing as a mere task that needed to be accomplished in my day, like something as simple as brushing my teeth. I felt worn before bed last night and today I feel even more worn out. Worn by my indifference. I really don't know who I am anymore, I feel like I'm losing myself.

"knock, knock" - "Hoosier?""

Since arriving in Indiana I haven't been able to figure out why the natives call themselves hoosiers. The reasoning has recently been explained to me by my hoosier housemates. Apparently back in the pioneer days before people would open up the door after someone knocked they'd ask "Hoosier?" . . . . . . ??????? It baffles me!! There's got to be more to the hoosier title than a mispronunced "knock knock" joke. My roomies are pretty much convinced that that's the story though. That to me is just plain odd.

Diva, What's Your Beef?

Why is it that when a single guy over 25 dates one woman after another, he's merely considered "in pursuit of a wife", but when a single woman over 25 even utters the word "man" she's automatically considered "desperate"?

Praise Habit

I'm finally reading David Crowder's Praise Habit - Finding God in Sunsets and Sushi . I love this book! Crowder goes about interpreting the psalms in such a creative way. I suppose it shouldn't suprise me since, in my opinion, God has already gifted this man with an incredible artistry in his song writing.

Last night I was reading his take on psalm 50 and I just love the way he went about discussing praise. I think he hits the nail on the head. Christians, myself included, often misinterpret God's definition of praise. When we don't see authentic praise happening in our churches how often do we think that planning a worship night will be the solution to the problem. "We'll have amazing songs and a rock out band that will surely get them praising." Everyone will come together and sing and dance and be moved. I've been to so many of those worship nights and have witnessed and experienced authentic praise in that moment, but I often wonder how many of those people go home afterwards and continue living in praise.

Here's David's interpretation. It's so great:

(God:) "I don't find fault with your singing of songs, but do you think I'm in great need of music? Do you think it is too quiet where I am? Did I not make the air molecules to vibrate in such a way to let a melody float from here to there? Do you think I am in great need of hearing these songs that were my breathings in the first place?"

We may argue, "Isn't that praise? Songs = Praise right?" I thing they're more like burnt offerings. The good news is that GOD doesn't find fault in our song offerings. There's nothing wrong with them. In, fact they can be beautiful expressions. But often they're nothing more than ritual, and at their worst they can be provoking to GOD. Well then, what is He looking for? What is this praise He's after? It is Praise Living. It is God leaning in and shouting, "I am the center!" and the sum of our lives nodding back in agreement. It is the core of our hearts echoing this statement. . . . . . . Our songs might verbalize and echo that at times, but so what? It is the nuts and bolts of our living that indicate if we really think this is truth. I would be so bold to say that eating barbecue and wearing sauce on your fingers and face and a grin as big as Texas with the knowledge that Caps Lock GOD is at the center of this can be truer praise than belting this "song ritual" that we have elevated to dangerous heights.

According to this psalm (50), even the simplicity of calling out to Him in times of trouble is considered truer sacrifice. How surprising is that? And how easy? Higher than our ritual is the simple acknowledgment that, in truth, He is what we need. We, like the Israelites, often find rescue in burnt offering and not in God who is the source of all. We find comfort in the song and not in the Comforter. It is a subtle but necessary shift. It is more difficult to find the Creator in a barbecue sandwich than in your favorite Sunday morning song, but when you do, when you begin to find Him in all the stuff of life, everything starts singing. Every moment breaks into song. Every breath becomes sacrifice, and the songs become sweetness. This is Living Praise.

- David Crowder - Praise Habit - Finding God in Sunsets and Sushi