Under Construction

My life is under construction. It's funny how when construction begins everything appears or feels as though it's falling apart at the seams.

- I started packing yesterday, well not packing but organizing to pack. I really don't know how I've become such a clutter bug. My room is one huge disaster now. I can't even get to my bed. How I'm going to figure out what stays and what goes, I just don't know. What does a diva bring to small town Indiana? Oyvay!!

- It feels like my heart is about to fall apart here too. I'm bursting with an incredible passion for the ministry that He has set before me, yet at the same time I'm trying not to get all emotional about having to say "goodbye" to family and friends. I have such a mush heart. Ever since I was a kid, I've had such difficulty saying "goodbye". On Sunday night I reverted back to my youth. I was so sad thinking about who I'm leaving behind that I couldn't stop crying. I cried to the point where I was all gross and snotty and I felt as though my head was going to explode. I have a feeling that a huge portion of my 8 hr trip to Indiana in Sept. will be tearful. Won't that look great- Diva shows up at the CPAF office all puffy eyed and snotty faced ready to begin the exciting adventure:)

- I'm finding myself really fixed on the cliche "out of sight, out of mind" too. I'm preparing to deal with the reality that many people whom I am friends with now, will soon forget about me. I know that some relationships will end or change after I go. I've seen it happen far too frequently to deny the inevitable. I'm determinded to stay in touch, but what's that other cliche "it takes two". It sucks and almost makes me wish that I had learned to guard my heart a little better when it came to investing in friendships.

- Just got word from the CPAF on my visa status. We're cutting it really close. It turns out that I won't qulify for an intern visa and will have to apply for a trainee visa. It means that the documentation that ususally takes 6 months has to be done in 3 weeks. How is all this going to happen in 3 weeks? It's causing me to fret and I'm struggling to keep the faith. What if this doesn't happen? what will I do? I've decided - I'm not gonna panic, I'm just gonna pray.

- I've given my resignation at work. 2 weeks to go - yaay!! It's hard going into the clinic though and staying motivated, cause frankly I just don't care anymore. I just want to be spending my time preparing to leave, but the extra pay check will no doubt come in handy.

Re-construction is a brutal process especially when it involves the heart, but because God is in charge of it all, I tust that the end product will be ok.

(In light of my life reconstruction, I decided to re-construct my blog. It's pretty isn't it? :)