Tori

Last night the "club" got together to send Tori off to Thunder Bay for her year of teacher's college. We got to talking about how long we've known each other and how much we've seen each other change and grow since our first year of of music school. Lots of reminiscing about the crazy things we did in our University days. We can't believe that it's been nine years!!! Tori and I met in our 1st year musicianship tutorial. We were paired together to lead the first week of excercises and became friends instantly. I remember the first day we hung out, we met with the sole intention of planning the tutorial. For some odd reason, and I can't remember why, the 2 of us couldn't stop laughing. We giggled together for hours as we sat on the floor in the centre of Vari Hall. Giggling has always been for me a sure sign of a kindred spirit.

As Tori and I have grown and changed over the past nine years I think of what a constant she has been in my life. Even when she was in Korea for a year and a half, I knew that we'd never lose touch or drift from being friends. She's always been there. She's always been a listening ear, an honest voice, a word of encouragement, a crazy notion, and a giggle. She is one who was never been afraid to challenge me. And as I've seen her grow and change I can see in her a woman of strength. She's never shied away from a challenge, she has always been adventurous, she shares her pain openly and has remained true to herself through it all.

It was nice to spend time with close friends last night. It was the ideal reminder that there will always be a few in my life who will never fall out of touch. They are the ones who know me so well that they have no trouble adapting to the changes in me. We have experienced far too much together to fall prey to the out of sight out of mind syndrome.

Blink . . .Blink . . . Blink

Lately I feel like the blinking red light on a phone that's been put on hold.

The light goes on, the light goes off.

My faith is huge, my faith is non exsistant.

I'm ready to go, I'm stuck in this life.

I'm excited, I'm annoyed.

I'm eager, I'm afraid.

I'm happy, I'm sad.

I have it together, I'm falling apart.

I feel strong, I feel weak.

I laugh, I cry.

I trust, I question.

I know the truth, I feel deceived.

I know what I want, I haven't got a clue.

I feel everything, I feel numb.

I'm here, I'm nowhere.

I know what to say, I can't be bothered.

I'm honest, I'm a liar.

I hear music, I hear silence.

I listen, I ignore.

I hum along, I throw the phone against the wall.

When will that voice pick up and speak?

Joan Sutherfish

After several weeks of what seems like endless interviews and auditions, I've finally chosen my new rearview mirror mascot. Meet Joan Sutherfish. The above photo is the headshot she submitted with her application. I have to say that she's quite the glamourous little fishy. She loves sparkle, and she definitely understands the diva tiara philosophy. We have quite a bit in common, which is kind of nice. I have let her know that this mascot gig is only on a trial basis though. I'm not sure if having 2 divas in one car is going to work out. We drove home tonight and she kept glaring at me as though she was trying to let me know that I'm no threat to her. Ooo la la, I don't think she knows who she's messing with here. There won't be any attitude coming from my car unless it's coming from me. I guess I'll have to make it very clear who the diva is of this Mazda.
It really wasn't my intention to hire a diva to fill the mascot position, but I have to say, there was something stupendously divaesque about Joan Sutherfish that reminded me of someone I know. :)

Mrs. Potato head

Tay-toe

The girl definitely loves her Tay-toes.

Noh and Toh

Noh & Toe

Only 10 months old and Julia knows Nose and Toes.
She likes the "oh" vowel a lot lately. She's so smart, just like
Auntie Diva :) I know where my "Noh" is too. Yaaaay !!!

advance

"The closer you get to a divine challenge, the bigger it will seem, and the smaller you will feel. If the signs you are looking for are guarantees of success, you may retreat when you should be advancing. It would be great if the signs from God that we should advance were always things like a perfect situation, all the resources necessary to succeed, or a guaranteed win. Yet if that were the case, there would be no adventure. Besides, that isn't reality. More often the signs pointing us to advance will cause us to assess who we are and who we believe God to be. They will make clear our priorities. Are we in it for what we can get or for what we can give? The signs will expose our hearts, reveal our fears, and unleash our faith."
Erwin McManus - Chasing Daylight

I've been re-reading Chasing Daylight in preparation for the journey ahead. Last week I came to the chapter on Advancing. I found it to be super relevant for what I've been going through with the whole work visa thing. Oddly enough the challenge with the visa has become more of sign pointing me to advance. Chasing Daylight is definitely one of those books that I will continuously refer back to. It's changed my thinking and has inspired me to move and to persevere in faith.

He's gonna do it!

"Lord I know You're gonna do it and I want You to know that You get my vote." - John MacArthur

MacArthur used this as an example in his broadcast the other day when he was talking about praying for God’s will to be accomplished. It made me laugh because it was such an un-MacArthur statement. In light of all that’s going on with the recent work visa issues I find those words to be the perfect prayer right now. Sometimes all we can do in prayer is let God know that we have faith and that we’re on His side when it comes to accomplishing His purpsoes.

I can’t see the full picture right now as to why getting a work visa is going to be so difficult, but I know that God has a purpose in it all. Perhaps it’s to grow my faith and test my heart, or maybe it's to make me fully aware that if I’m going to do His work, I have to fully rely on Him to provide everything I need. Maybe there are reasons that go beyond me - I just don’t know. I do know that I woke this morning with a sense of peace about it all. I will go to Indiana in September. I know that He sees the full picture and that’s enough for me to continue to prepare for the journey ahead.

I prayed MacArthur’s exact words last night. How great is it that we have a God who we can put our full and complete trust in. Right now prayer is all I have. It’s the only thing that is keeping my faith in tact. And I am so grateful that others have joined me by praying in faith and are letting God know that He gets their vote too. I know, He’s gonna do it!!

Under Construction

My life is under construction. It's funny how when construction begins everything appears or feels as though it's falling apart at the seams.

- I started packing yesterday, well not packing but organizing to pack. I really don't know how I've become such a clutter bug. My room is one huge disaster now. I can't even get to my bed. How I'm going to figure out what stays and what goes, I just don't know. What does a diva bring to small town Indiana? Oyvay!!

- It feels like my heart is about to fall apart here too. I'm bursting with an incredible passion for the ministry that He has set before me, yet at the same time I'm trying not to get all emotional about having to say "goodbye" to family and friends. I have such a mush heart. Ever since I was a kid, I've had such difficulty saying "goodbye". On Sunday night I reverted back to my youth. I was so sad thinking about who I'm leaving behind that I couldn't stop crying. I cried to the point where I was all gross and snotty and I felt as though my head was going to explode. I have a feeling that a huge portion of my 8 hr trip to Indiana in Sept. will be tearful. Won't that look great- Diva shows up at the CPAF office all puffy eyed and snotty faced ready to begin the exciting adventure:)

- I'm finding myself really fixed on the cliche "out of sight, out of mind" too. I'm preparing to deal with the reality that many people whom I am friends with now, will soon forget about me. I know that some relationships will end or change after I go. I've seen it happen far too frequently to deny the inevitable. I'm determinded to stay in touch, but what's that other cliche "it takes two". It sucks and almost makes me wish that I had learned to guard my heart a little better when it came to investing in friendships.

- Just got word from the CPAF on my visa status. We're cutting it really close. It turns out that I won't qulify for an intern visa and will have to apply for a trainee visa. It means that the documentation that ususally takes 6 months has to be done in 3 weeks. How is all this going to happen in 3 weeks? It's causing me to fret and I'm struggling to keep the faith. What if this doesn't happen? what will I do? I've decided - I'm not gonna panic, I'm just gonna pray.

- I've given my resignation at work. 2 weeks to go - yaay!! It's hard going into the clinic though and staying motivated, cause frankly I just don't care anymore. I just want to be spending my time preparing to leave, but the extra pay check will no doubt come in handy.

Re-construction is a brutal process especially when it involves the heart, but because God is in charge of it all, I tust that the end product will be ok.

(In light of my life reconstruction, I decided to re-construct my blog. It's pretty isn't it? :)

A love letter from Bob

Dearest Diva,
How hard it is to say farewell to my beloved. I'm afraid that the time has come for me to retire as your rearview mirror mascot. My sponginess is gone, my colour has faded, my skin is cracked and crusty from baking in the sun, and my arm is sooo tired from waving at you for the past 4 years. You deserve so much more, more than I could ever give. Of course ever since I lost my nose and had to settle for a Trident gum wrapper prosthesis I just haven't been the same. I have grown weary and it pains me deeply to say this, but it is time for us to depart. Oh How I shall miss the sound of your blaring voice as you sing away to your CD's without a care in the world. And I will indeed miss the excitement and hope that wells up within me every time you glance my way to check your teeth in the rearview mirror. I have watched so much of your life fly by. I have heard you laugh and I have watched you dance. I have heard you cry and I have watched you mourn. We have shared so many intimate moments - moments that I will cherish forever. Do not forget me dearest Diva, for I will never forget you. The memories of our endless car rides will continue to revive me in my final days and my heart shall remain forever faithful to you.
Fare thee well my love.
Devotedly Yours,
Spongykins