My Burd-day

My 30th Birthday was wonderful. I have to say that this phone msg left by my 2 year old niece was probably the bestest birthday greeting of the day hands down . . . ahhh have I ever mentioned how much I love being "Auntie"?? (The video isn't really exciting to watch, but the audio is definitely worth listening to:)

Mallards

5 years ago today a beautiful mallard duck crossed my path. It was a bright sunny March day, much like today. There was still a little bit of snow on the ground, and if you listened closely the birds were chirping sweet little spring melodies. It was a lovely tranquil morning. Inside I felt far from tranquil. In my heart there was a tremendous weight, the heavy weight that only grief can bring. I didn't know how I was going to get through the day and I just kept praying that somehow God would get me through because I knew that my own strength wasn't enough.

The night before our family sat around the dinner table as my grandmother shared what exactly she had put in my grandfather's casket. She mentioned that she had put in a stuffed animal duck. My sister was baffled. And kept saying "a duck? you put a duck in the casket? why? I don't get it." My grandmother's reasoning made sense to me because I was the one who had given Tutty that duck. It was a stuffed mallard, and I brought it home one day when he was sick, because I knew how much he missed watching his ducks at the cottage. He kept that duck by his bed until he died. The duck represented Tutty's love for nature. My sister felt it an inappropriate gesture nonetheless and ranted about the "duck" for the rest of the evening.

The next morning as my sister and I were walking to the limousine that would take us to the funeral home where my grandfather's casket was waiting for his funeral procession, a beautiful mallard with a glistening emerald head waddled across the snowy path in front of us and then spread his wings and flew into the sky. I was just so amazed that an actual duck would appear out of nowhere. Neither of us acknowledged the duck at that moment because we were trying to be silent, but for me that duck was God's way of saying, "It will all be okay, I'm carrying you." In that moment that duck was a symbol of God's love for me. It gave me hope that I could get through that day. After the day was over my sister asked me if I had seen the duck. She said that she felt as though that duck was a sign from God and that she now didn't find the stuffed duck so odd anymore.

I have to admit, I just can't look at mallards as just ordinary ducks anymore. Anytime I see one, I stop not only to remember my grandfather, but more so to give thanks for the love and faithfulness of my loving Father. The Father who always provides us with exactly what we need in order to give us the hope and the strength that carry us through this life.

Opera

Have I mentioned how much I love opera? Of course it's assumed since I've spent more than half my life training to sing it, but seriously there is just something about it. . . . I've been spending a lot of time lately just listening to as many recordings as I possibly can of amazing singers, mainly because I'm trying to pick a ton of new rep to work on and eventually build into my ongoing list. I do this about once a year and it's at this time when I just listen -when I Listen without analysis, when I listen as an audience member rather than an aspiring opera singer - that I really remember what it was that drew me to the art form in the first place. . . there's just something so beautifully human about it. . . the stories that are told, the emotions that it evokes. . . .
Sometimes as I work at it myself, I lose perspective of what an extremly powerful art form opera can be.

Measuring Up

Knowing that I will never ever measure up is something that I will always have to face. Understanding this ultimate truth is the challenge of life. Understanding that no matter how hard I try I will never ever meet any of the real standards that I so desire to meet. Understanding that it is the desire to measure up that so often causes me to fail. Understanding that disregarding this fact will be the cause of my downfall. Understanding that the temptation to ignore this knowledge is the strongest weapon that can be used against me. Understanding that it is only through my understanding of never being able to measure up that I can comprehend the true meaning of grace, mercy, and love.

Comprehending and being able to acknowledge that I will never measure up is the single greatest gift I've ever received.

Ok Diva, time to spill the beef !

People who make assumptions about other people, eventhough they've never even taken the time to carry on a real conversation with the other person. We all do it, but yup that's definitely my beef today.

little white confessions

> I watch all of those cheesy Disney teeny bopper shows on Saturday mornings (Hannah Montana, The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, Corey in the House, That’s so Raven etc.) And I kind of enjoy them.

> I'm an introvert who poses as an extravert.

> Sometimes when I have a long break between my classes I take a nap on the floor in the Kindermusik studio on the kiddie cushions - feels like kindergarten nap time.


> I’m dreading turning
30




> I’m the queen of the organized mess.

> I kind of like the smell of skunk.



> Everything I learned about acting I learned from regularly watching Victor Newman.





> I think that the best place to practice singing is in the car. . . . and sometimes when drivers are really annoyed by the traffic I provoke them by acting out my arias – hand gestures and all.

> I buy more Tim Hortons Coffee when it's roll up the rim season.

> whenever my niece asks me to play with her, I try to talk her into playing doll house, even though I know she doesn’t like it, because when I was a little girl I never had a cool doll house but always wanted one.

> I’m a total romantic who completely believes in old fashioned courtship – (pretty much explains why I’m still single.)

>I think that ice cream tastes better when secretly eaten out of the container . . . I sometimes eat my Mom’s ice cream out of the container and don’t tell her.

Blech!!

This singing thing has so many ups and downs. What drives me crazy is that one minute you're up and the next minute you're on a fast and steep slope downward. It kind of makes me want to hurl. . . . I've never really enjoyed roller coasters.