Diva Battle

This Sunday I'm going to see Kathleen Battle. This will be the second time I've seen her in concert. 11 yrs ago my parents bought me a $125 ticket to see my favourite diva as a gift to celebrate my high school graduation. It was so exciting!!! I dressed up in my prom dress and headed to the gala opening of the Mississauga Living arts centre all by myself. I sat in the 3rd row from the stage and was mesmerized by the diva as soon as she opened her mouth. I always really liked her voice and she was just so wonderful to see and hear in person. She lived up to everything I had imagined her to be. She was such a story teller and just so beautiful.

What I secretly have always loved about Kathleen is that she has gained the reputation of a "Diva". She certainly hasn't earned that title as one of respect either. She has the reputation of being a stereotypical ego driven opera diva. The met fired her in 1994 because of her diva attitude. And there are several stories about her performances in Toronto. Including one where she threw her accompanist off the stage and sat and accompanied herself for the remainder of the concert. . . . .

I really think that's her game though . . . she now has to live up to that reputation . . . so something divaesque has to happen at every concert. . . it's like everyone in the audience is waiting for her diva moment.

Back in 1997 her diva moment came apres intermission. She came out on the stage traipsing across in a slow dramatic way, then suddenly stopped when she noticed a music stand sitting on the stage that was not supposed to be there. She paused, turned her head, and glared at the stand for what felt like hours, she then swiftly turned around and knocked on the stage wing that had just been closed. The poor stage hand came out and Kathleen dramatically gestured with one arm to the lone music stand and said in a crisp projected voice "I'd like that music stand removed from the stage." . . . . if it were a soap opera I'm sure that dramatic "dun dun dun" music would have rang out in the background at that very moment. The poor stage hand apologized, scurried quickly onto the stage and removed the stand. Must have been incredibly humiliating for him. But it was what we were all waiting for. To me it just seemed a part of the act. I actually found it quite amusing. . . . . and I still find it amusing to this day.

As I've grown as a singer over the past 11 years, I've come to realize that Kathleen is not at all the greatest singer around. . . her diction is actually pretty atrocious, and she has a few bad vocal habits that singers should not imitate. I still do enjoy her voice though and there has certainly never been any doubt in my mind that it's her charisma that makes her.

My taste has matured since 1997 as I have come to admire other singers for their technical abilities and dramatic abilities. Nonetheless, Ms. Battle continues to be a great inspiration for me; afterall, the tales of her "lovely" Diva displays and the opportunity to actually witness one in person prompted the creation of my alter ego, "Diva" 11 years ago:) I really do need some new material . . . I can't wait to see what she pulls out of her extra long flowing diva train this time around . . . . if she doesn't please me I'll be super disappointed. I may just have to start a diva cat fight in the middle of her recital!! Now that'll be a Battle worth fighting - just for the sheer entertainment of it all:)

Opera

Have I mentioned how much I love opera? Of course it's assumed since I've spent more than half my life training to sing it, but seriously there is just something about it. . . . I've been spending a lot of time lately just listening to as many recordings as I possibly can of amazing singers, mainly because I'm trying to pick a ton of new rep to work on and eventually build into my ongoing list. I do this about once a year and it's at this time when I just listen -when I Listen without analysis, when I listen as an audience member rather than an aspiring opera singer - that I really remember what it was that drew me to the art form in the first place. . . there's just something so beautifully human about it. . . the stories that are told, the emotions that it evokes. . . .
Sometimes as I work at it myself, I lose perspective of what an extremly powerful art form opera can be.

Blech!!

This singing thing has so many ups and downs. What drives me crazy is that one minute you're up and the next minute you're on a fast and steep slope downward. It kind of makes me want to hurl. . . . I've never really enjoyed roller coasters.

In the wings

The other day I had the most wonderful moment as I was waiting in the wings just before my entrance on stage in La Boheme. It was a moment of overwhelming gratitude. I get so excited when I finally get to perform for an audience - excited to finally share after so much hard work. There's just nothing that beats sharing a character, great music, and a story with an audience. As I was standing there thinking to myself 'well this is it, it's finally here - performance time!! Yaaaay!!' I couldn't help but thank God at that very moment for providing me with the opportunity to do what I truly love to do. I even got a little choked up thinking about it. There's no other place I'd rather be than on the stage. There's no other place where I feel more like myself. (Weird when I'm usually playing characters who are nothing like me) I suppose I feel that I'm doing what I am designed to do. . . I don't know. But I do know that I wouldn't be doing it if God hadn't provided the opera-tunities. I wonder how many people actually get to do what they truly love to do? I wonder how many people even know what they are made to do? I wonder how many people feel that loved by God? So undeservedly loved by the Creator of the Universe - the God who knows each of us so intimately that He graciously gives us the opportunities, the gifts, the endurance, and the discipline that not only glorify Him, but also provide for us such personal joy and fulfillment. I can do nothing but give thanks for all He has given me.

Opera Quotes

" Tenors are like the diarrhea,

you just never know when they are going to start running!"

- Giuseppe Macina

I just can't resist but posting some of the great quotes from our beloved opera director at TOR. He just seems to come up with some real gems on a regular basis that make us all smile:) What makes it really cute is the way he says it in his dramatic Italian accent:) I'm sure that there will be plenty more where that came from for me to post in the next few months.

eyeliner is apparently very important for a singer!

Over the years I've learned that as a performer I simply volunteer myself for all sorts of criticism. As a singer I've heard many honest critiques about my performances, mostly having nothing to do with my singing. Most have to do with things like my wardrobe, that way I stand, or show my teeth or close my eyes. It amazes me, the things that people will notice!! After my performance today I was told by an audience member that I need to underline my bottom lash line with liner. I had just finished singing my heart out and the most important thing that this lady had to say was that I need to put eyeliner under my eye! The hardest part is knowing how to respond to the unwanted makeup tips. I usually just smile and try not to look shocked by the fact that something like that would concern someone so much. I have to say though that those kind of comments really make all the time and money spent pounding notes and refining my vocal technique so worth it!! :)

On Being an Artist

Sometimes when someone who isn't an artist finds out that I am an opera singer they react as though I live such a glamourous life. I think that because the performing arts tend to have a sense of fantasy associated with it that it's easy to assume that the artists on stage live glamourous lives off stage too. I have to say that my pursuit of a career in the performing arts has been far from glamourous and I'm beginning to realize that if I'm going to do this for the rest of my life I'm in for a tough battle. There is nothing glamourous about it!! It feels like a constant struggle. Even as I begin to find more constant work, there's no sense of stability or security; there's no money; and there's no promise for the future. And as I continue to meet more and more aritsts who have been working in the field for years and years I'm realizing that the sense of instability never really goes away. Lately I've found myself wishing that I didn't choose this life. If only I could just settle for something else, some other career path that at least provides the illusion of security and stability. I know though from experience that for me that kind of life would be miserable and boring. In essence if I chose something else I'd be going against the grain and fighting the Creator who created me to be an artist. It's tempting to want to just settle for another life though.

Another simple piece of paper

(Joy captured the expression on this little girl's face perfectly - just look at her admiring Christy's costume with such awe and dreaming of one day being just like her, so cute!!)

I just found a very special crumpled up American $1 bill in my bag. This dollar bill was given to me by the sweetest little girl after our performance of Traviata the other day. She shyly came to me and told me that she thought I did a really great job and that she wanted to give me a dollar for doing so well. I felt odd taking money from a child but she insisted and looked a little hurt when I told her that I couldn't take it. I ended up graciously taking the dollar and went about introducing her to Denise (Violetta) and Richard (the doctor) who were her other favorite singers and whom she also tipped for doing such a great job. She had to have been about 7 yrs old and was as adorable as ever. She was all dressed up and looked at all of us with such awe. I have to say, that little girl truly made my day!! It made all of the hard work and dramatic rehearsals more than worth it. For me that little girl represented the reason why I sing. Not for the experts, or critics, but for people who appreciate the art for it's genuine beauty and wow factor. When you work at an artistic discipline like singing, it's so easy to lose sight of why we do what we do. So often I worry about what the experts will think rather than the actual audience who is not there to analyze and criticize, but to be entertained, taken on a journey and deeply moved.

I think I'm going to keep this dollar bill, and put it on my piano. It's such a sweet reminder of why I spend so many frustrating hours trying to perfect such a craft. Not for the money(definitely not that:) ,and not for the critics, but for the enjoyment of the real audience.

I have a feeling that in 20 years or so one may just find that little girl from the other night sitting at her very own piano, practicing Ah fors e lui . . . Sempre libera remembering her very first opera experience at the MasterWorks Festival in 2007 :)

Miraculously Effervescent!

I'm not one to regularly endorse products on my blog, but this airborne stuff is incredible! It's this little effervescent tablet packed with cold fighting vitamins and herbs. Just plop it in a cup of hot water and drink. It comes in a few different flavours too: apple cider, lemon-lime, orange, and pink grape-fruit. I've been drinking 2 tabs a day this week and I feel great. I don't know why it's not available in Canada, but it should be. I'm afraid that if airborne doesn't make it's way to the shelves of Shoppers Drug Mart before my work visa expires, I might just have some explaining to do at Canada customs when the border guards open up my trunk and find it fully loaded with bubbly herbal effervescence. It'll be worth the hastle though for these miraculous little tablets could literally save a singer's entire career.

Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire

My book of the weekend was Jim Cymbala's Fresh Wind, Fresh Fire. I've had this book for over a year just sitting on my bookshelf collecting dust. I can't believe that I didn't read it sooner! What an incredibly convicting book on the power of prayer and what can happen when we let the spirit lead. I could hardly put the book down.

Just before I left to go sing as a guest soloist at a church here in town I read this passage:

To every preacher and every singer: God will someday ask, "Did you bring people to where the action could be found . . . at the throne of grace? If you just entertained them, if you just tickled their ears and gave them a warm, fuzzy moment, woe unto you. At the throne of grace, I could have changed their lives."

Talk about timing! I was so convicted and suddenly terrified to sing. How could the simple piece of music that I was about to sing, possibly take anyone to the throne of grace? Why would God call me, a mere speck of dirt to such a responsibility? How is it that I have equated success as an artist with those warm fuzzy moments that Cymbala speaks of. I only had a half hour to pull myself together before I had to leave. As I prayed desperately for God to use my performance to His glory, He quietly and clearly spoke:

"You, Andrea McNeil, can do nothing to bring people to my throne. How could you possibly think that You have anything to do with it? It is I who will lead them. It is only My truth, My Word, My sacrifice, My grace, My mercy, My forgiveness, My Son, My Spirit and My love that will draw them to My throne. Faith in Yourself is not required. The only responsibility you have is to put your faith and trust in Me. Now go and sing in faith."

And I did as I was told. How it went? I'm not sure.

A new technique

Yesterday I had my first singing lesson with a voice teacher here in Winona Lake. Starting lessons with a new teacher has never been fun for me. Whenever I meet with a new teacher and start approaching my singing using their specific technique it feels as though everything I've learned up till now has been meaningless and useless. It's almost as though I have to toss aside everything I've learned about breathing, placement, sound production, vowel modification etc. and start at the very beginning. Any confidence that I have with respect to my singing is completely stripped away. Yesterday as I starred at the all too familiar vocal anatomy posters that every singing teacher has on their studio wall, attempting with all my might to do the vocalises that Don had given me, I felt like a complete amateur. I found myself questioning why it is that I would ever think that I could sing in the first place. It's so strange to be in this position again after so many years of serious training. The process of integrating a new technique is grueling and will take months of hard work. A lot of squawking, screeching and many frustrations are ahead. Yet I know that if I want to improve, this work needs to be done. I know that if I endure this frustrating work, that in a few months I'll hear changes in my voice. I will come to see how the new technique is helping to override some of the natural tendencies in production that may be hindering me from being the singer that I could be. Even though it feels like this is a step backwards I know that this is a good thing for my singing.

It's interesting that I'd be experiencing the grueling "joy” of learning a new singing technique during this season in Winona Lake. The whole stripping away of all that I find comfortable; experiencing feelings of frustration; feeling useless, and discouraged; and realizing how very amateur I am are happening in all areas of my life lately, not just singing. Since arriving here, I've felt like God is trying to teach me a new “technique”, something that in the end will change me and will help to override many of my natural tendencies that may be hindering me from being all that I could be in Him. As I struggle to endure, the only thing that is keeping me from falling apart here is knowing that everything that God allows is good. No matter what, He promises that He will change us, not just change us but transform us into His likeness. I know that if I follow through and grapple with the challenges in my life right now, that in a few months time, just like with my singing, I will see transformation in my life. Even though it feels like my life is dis- jointed in everyway, I know that this is a good thing for me.