Fill it up Man.

I confess when it comes to some things I'm a bit of a traditional gal. Being a single woman forces one to have to be a little "nontraditional". I have no choice but to do pretty much everything for myself, which I don't mind most of the time, but I have to confess - some days I wouldn't mind having a man to do little things for me, like: fill the washer fluid in my car, check the oil, pump the gas, carry my heavy boxes and bags, etc. I think how nice it would be mostly when I hear the clunk of the hood of my car closing. It just feels so unnatural for a diva to see and touch the intestines of her car, and it's so dirty opening up the hood (particularly on a wet snowy day). Then again I suppose when I really think about it, it's really unnatural for a diva to be driving her own car to begin with - she'd normally have a chauffeur to do that . . . .
Oh I'm a miserable excuse of a diva! I can't even afford to hire a man to do all the little things for me . . . oh well! I know I can get by, all I'm saying is that it would be nice sometimes, that's all.

My New Recorder

It's no secret that it doesn't take much to excite me to no end. Right now I'm pretty darn excited about my brand new recorder. I got it before Christmas, because I'll be teaching recorder this term and needed one for home to do my prep work. I haven't really had time to play it until now. Why am I so excited you ask? Because it's not your ordinary plastic recorder. Mine is pink and sparkly and it's super sassy!!!! It's so fuchsia pink that it's almost red. It was cheap (mind you I get an educator discount), it came with a matching pink case and a notation chart and did I mention that it's pink and sparkly!! Yup, teaching recorder is going to be fun fun fun!! It's a shame that the kids get stuck with the boring cream coloured ones. Too bad, so sad:( Did I mention that mine is pink and sparkly :)

Me on TV

So, last night the Mom's were talking and decided that I should seriously consider doing what I do on Television . A compliment? Yes . . . I think it means that I'm doing a good job at entertaining their 2 yr olds.
Since the Polka Dot Door is no longer around, perhaps I should consider applying to be one of those hosts on Sesame Street. I always liked Bob. . . he sang nice songs, spoke sign language and always helped Telly with his anxiety. He's still on the show after all these years too. Could be a promising career move, I could be the washed up opera diva who moves into the cardboard box next to Oscar's can, with several of her neurotic cats (muppet cats of course) and spends her day singing songs to all her muppet friends . . . . I wonder how I'd go about pitching that one to the Children's Television Workshop.

Opera Quotes

" Tenors are like the diarrhea,

you just never know when they are going to start running!"

- Giuseppe Macina

I just can't resist but posting some of the great quotes from our beloved opera director at TOR. He just seems to come up with some real gems on a regular basis that make us all smile:) What makes it really cute is the way he says it in his dramatic Italian accent:) I'm sure that there will be plenty more where that came from for me to post in the next few months.

Ending my American Addictions

Tonight I finished the final diet Wild Cherry Pepsi from the case that I smuggled into the country last month. As I savoured my last sip I felt a twinge of sadness, but at the same time I was pretty relieved too. I got totally addicted to this stuff while in Indiana. I knew that it wasn't good for me, but it was so nice to finally have real diet cherry cola. That diet vanilla cherry stuff that they sell here tastes like cough syrup. I usually had one a day while in Indiana and it provided a sweet zero calorie oasis of joy for me for 7 months. I'll be ok though, I know that there are more pleasures in life than the sweet burst of fake cherry flavour mixed into a bubbly brain damaging cola. I may suffer a bit of withdrawl, but I got over my addiction to Marshmallow Mateys and I am a better person because of it. I do have the occasional relapse when I see a box of lucky charms in the cereal isle, but if I can get by without the fake styrofoamy toxic marshmallows then I can do without my diet cherry pepsi too.

The Spider Pig Theme Song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1R828rFd2aI

I'm not a huge Simpsons fan, but I went to see the Simpsons Movie yesterday. I went with my brother-in-law who is a pretty big simpsons fan. I was expecting to sit there and not laugh, but I giggled throughout and found it to be quite funny.

My favourite part was the famous Spider Pig scene, but what really made me chuckle was the spider pig theme song that played during the credits. I wonder who had the privelege of singing this "classical" choral arrangement - it's stinkin hilarious!! I'm thinking that I might just have to do a solo operatic version of this at my next recital:)

Going lug nuts

My roommate Meaghan graciously offered to drive me to Wal-mart last night so that I could do my grocery shopping, since my car is officially undrivable. As we made our way down the street here in Winona Lake Meaghan noticed that her car wasn’t driving the way it normally did. She kept saying "I think the alignment is off." Soon after we found ourselves out on the street, peeing our pants from laughing so hard as we stood staring at the flat tire on her car. We literally sat for a good ten minutes laughing hysterically before we took action and called for help. After my big car wreck on Sunday we could really only find humor in the situation.

After several attempts to get a hold of someone, We finally got in touch with our intern buddy, Sadler, who claimed that he knew how to change a tire. When he finally came to the rescue, he took one look at the tire and said: “You know something, I don’t really know all that much about cars. You better get it towed.” It was probably the best plan of action given that the lock on Meaghan’s trunk was frozen and the spare wasn’t really accessible. So there we were Meaghan, Sadler and I sitting in the freezing cold ’93 Corolla trying to decide what to do. Sadler casually pulled out several power bars and an orange (which He tends to store in His pockets . . . you'd have to meet Sadler to understand that him having a store house of food in his jacket pockets is a just another thing that makes Sadler a unique creature:) Sadler began munching away as he patiently waited for Meaghan and I to stop peeing our pants.

When I was able to compose myself I pulled out my CAA card and attempted to order a tow truck. My first call somehow ended up at the AAA in California! They then proceeded to transfer me to the Chicago AAA, who then transferred me to the AAA in Michigan. One would think that the most logical transfer would have been the local AAA in Indiana, but who knows how these crazy Americans work:) Really I felt sorry for the AAA representatives. As I was on the phone I couldn't control my little fits of giggles. They were really so patient with me. I finally lost it altogether and had to hand the phone over to Sadler when the Michigan AAA lady asked me if the car had locking lug nuts. How on earth would a diva know what a lug nut is, let alone know whether or not they lock? !! :) Those AAA people must think I'm one big crazy lug nut:)

Stuckman's towing finally showed up at around 11 and Sadler drove us to Wal-mart so that we could stock up on our groceries since neither of us have a car now. Although under most circumstances car trouble is never amusing, last night was just too funny and really quite a release for me after Sunday’s accident.

The Goose Report - Jan'07

It appears as though Tom, Dick and Harry have returned to their regular attempts of trying to get a glimpse of "the diva" and her comrades here in Winona Lake. Only now they've brought with them a bunch of other peepers . . . . Well at least that's what I thought last night at 2am when I heard the extremely loud chorus of honking outside of my window.

Since returning to Winona Lake after Christmas break I've rarely heard the geese outside my window. There has been the occasional honk, but other than that it's been rather quiet and peaceful. I assumed that the nocturnal nuts finally decided to fly south when they mistakenly thought that I had left Winona Lake for good. Really what would be the point in staying here if the Canadian diva was not around? :) I should have known better!! It appears as though those geese went out and told all of their Canadian friends that I was here and now there are thousands of them clamoring over one another trying to get my attention so that I will open up my curtains and make a rare appearance. . . . . .

When I opened the kitchen blinds this morning I was thinking that I may be wrong about the peepers. It appears as though the lake froze over last night and in a panic the entire goose community of Indiana has migrated to the canal in front of our house - (which is where my bedroom faces). Soo all that honking was them crying, "oh no what are we going to do? The lake is frozen!!!!"

(this is Winona Lake - mostly frozen)

I went out this morning before work and there were literally 200 or so Canadian Geese on our front lawn jumping in and out of the canal, which appeared to be steaming hot.
And as I approached, one amongst the gaggle saw that I was standing there and told the others. It was hilarious, all 200 of them started honking and flew out to the middle of the lake. What a sight! More so what a sound!! It was the loudest goose honking chorus that I had ever heard!!! And it got louder as they made their way to the centre of the lake. The echo was so loud that I'm sure that the entire state of Indiana heard them!! (I'm hoping that none of my neighbours discover that I was the one out there taunting them:)

Oh those Geese!! Trying to act all innocent like that. Pretending to be afraid of me. Meanwhile they were dying inside cause I was so close. I bet they gathered in the centre of Winona Lake after flying off like that and excitedly said things like "Did you see her?" and "oooo she's more radiant than I ever could have imagined!"

They don't know that I'm on to them and their sneaky little ploys to see "the Diva". I bet that they somehow arranged to have the lake freeze over like that so that I'd think that they are innocent. . . nice try Tom, Dick and Harry - nice try!

Tinsel Tim

Imagine opening up your blinds in the morning and seeing this crazy creature peeping in your window!! Apparently the Peeping Canadian Geese aren't the only fowl around here trying to catch a glimpse of "the Diva". Tinsel Tim is just one more peeper to add to our peeping list down at the lodge. I opened up the blinds this morning and there was Tim outside my window attempting with all his might to peep in at me. As punishment for his naughty peeping I have forced him to sit on my desk with me at the office until Christmas. Tim claims that staring at the diva all day long is really more of a dream come true than it is a punishment. He does indeed make a very good point however; I could really use the extra help at my desk so for now this punishment will have to do. Tim is proving to be quite useful to have around. He's only been with me at my desk for 2 hours and already it's very apparent that this little bird is really an extremely talented writer:) It's looking like this is going to be a win, win situation for us both. Yaaaay Tinsel Tim!!!

My Fellow Canadians

So it appears as though the only other Canadians around here in Winona Lake are the Canadian geese that hang out down by the lake, which also happens to be where many of us at Cpaf live too.

I didn't know this until I got here, but it appears as though Canada Geese do not sleep at night!!! We can hear them at all hours of the night honking away outside of our windows. As much as I'm glad that there are other Canadians here, I have to be honest and say that by 3:21 last night I was officially ready to go out there and wring their little Canadian necks. The constant sqwaky honking is severely annoying.

I told the gals that the only logical explanation for the constant ruckus, is that those geese are up at night trying with all their might to peep in our windows. . . . no doubt they are trying to get a glimpse of their fellow Canadian, "the diva":) So, we have officially named those nocturnal geese down at the lodge. We now refer to them as "the peeping geese" or more directly "Tom”, “Dick” and “Harry." Unfortunately those geese are giving Canadians a bit of a bad reputation, but really who can blame them? If I was living in such close proximity to a diva like me and my other sistah's down at the lodge I would definitely stay up all night trying to catch a glimpse of us too:)

Lessons from Auntie Diva

(Julia poses with one of her many subordinates:)

Diva Lesson #9

Dealing with our Subordinates

Being a diva often requires having to work with diva wannabes, who although they try, could never match our level of divaness. We must however learn the different techniques on how to deal with those who clearly lack the grace, wit, charm, and cuteness that we so naturally exude.

Tips on how to deal with our subordinates
1. A subordinate observes the way others fall at your feet (especially the boys), and she craves the same kind of attention, which can cause her to act in ways that can be very annoying. If a subordinate ever annoys you to the point where you think you may lose your cool, arrange with the director to have him/her assign "Little Miss. Subordinate" a ridiculous looking costume that makes her look even more subordinate. (see above photo)

2. You may occasionally catch the subordinate secretly trying on your tiara in the dressing room. Simply approach her, smile and politely say, "I'm terribly sorry, but the director asked me to remind you that subordinates generally don't have tiara privileges; however because I'm so nice and really do like you, I will allow you to admire me as I wear my tiara." Then simply snatch the tiara from her head put it on your own and allow the subordinate to ooo and aaaah at your beauty.

3. When being photographed the subordinate will usually be caught in the most unflattering of poses, usually with her mouth wide open struggling with all her might to attempt the same high F that just naturally flows from your voice with such ease and grace. Remember being photographed next to a subordinate, only makes you look all the cuter in comparison. (see above photo)

4. Never feel threatened while the subordinate tries to upstage you in any way she can. Just smile look pretty and work your diva charm. No matter how hard the subordinate may try, next to you she'll always appear second rate. (see above photo)

Having subordinates around us can really only enhance our divaness.
So I say, Bring on the subordinates diva sister!!

kissy kissy

It's a well known fact in my family that I am not a touchy feely kind of diva. Growing up, I never minded hugs so much, but kisses used to completely gross me out. I've gotten better over the years, but I have to admit I am a little obsessive compulsive when it comes to germs, especially when they are germs that belong to someone else. I used to always wonder who came up with the idea of deliberately exchanging germs in order to show affection. My family used to laugh at me when I was a kid and thought that my outright resistance to kisses was hilarious. They would often chase me around trying to give me kisses. When they got a hold of me, they'd purposely give me slobbery nasty wet kisses on my cheek, which was absolute torture. (and they wonder now, how I came to be such a looney tune:) I would usually make a big deal, wipe my cheek and run to the washroom to scrub the slobber off with soap and water. That being said, birthday's and Christmases were a germ nightmare for me.

As I've become an adult my family has learned to respect me and my personal germ space bubble and don't really kiss me at all. My grandpa, who although he never said it, was the same way when it came to kisses. He respected my dislike so much that he got to the point where he would affectionately shake my hand on the special occasions that called for a kiss. It sounds strange but really it’s all good. I really don’t need kisses to know that my family loves me. My Dad still teases me though and tells me that he can’t wait for my wedding day when the pastor will say to my new husband, “You may now shake the bride’s hand.” (I’ve never really explained to my Dad that boy kisses don’t fall into the “ewwww nasty kiss” category . . . meh, I say that what Daddy doesn’t know won’t kill him :)

This past year I have noticed that my feelings on wet slobbery kisses have drastically changed. It’s quite clear that being Auntie Diva has changed me in many ways, but never did I imagine that I would be asking for slobbery wet kisses from someone. If a stranger were to see me with Julia they would have a hard time believing that I have germ issues. Julia’s kisses are to me the best kisses in the world, and believe me they are the slobberiest, wettest kisses known to mankind. For a while she was like a little puppy and would lick my cheek when I asked for a kiss. Now she just lays it on, drool and all (the above photo shows Julia preparing to give Auntie a kiss:) She makes the cutest little “mmmmwa” noise when she gives a kiss too. It’s so sweet and extremely irresistible. Today, Jen laughed when I kept asking Julia for kisses. My sister can’t believe that I, the germaphobe freakazoid who once jumped in a lake fully clothed to avoid a kiss, was now begging for slobbery wet Julia kisses. Oh, Auntiehood, how it can change even the most un-touchy, un-feely germ freak of a Diva. :)

Mr. Tay-toe Head

I introduced Julia to Mr. Potato Head yesterday. I was thinking that since she loved "tay-toes" so much that she might enjoy hanging out with Mr. Tay-toe Head. Julia was more interested in chewing on one of his noses than she was in him. I on the other hand very much enjoyed spending some quality time with the tater. He 's really quite cool. I didn't have a Mr. Potato Head growing up so I've never been able to appreciate him for all that he is. He can be so many things: From an average potato with a classic mustache and construction hat to a muscle man with geeky glasses (kinda like a super hero). He can also be a little artsy just by adding a long swirly mustache and a sticking out tongue. The options are endless. The best part about him is that he's got a storage area in his tooshie, so that he can carry a change of clothes with him wherever he goes. I didn't know that about him, it's a very cool feature. Mr. Potato Head is a man of mystery, yet he still manages to be charming, silly and very fun. I think I may have a bit of a crush on him. No doubt as Julia gets older she'll learn to appreciate him for more than just his nose cause Mr. Potato Head is without a doubt one hot spud :)

Joan Sutherfish

After several weeks of what seems like endless interviews and auditions, I've finally chosen my new rearview mirror mascot. Meet Joan Sutherfish. The above photo is the headshot she submitted with her application. I have to say that she's quite the glamourous little fishy. She loves sparkle, and she definitely understands the diva tiara philosophy. We have quite a bit in common, which is kind of nice. I have let her know that this mascot gig is only on a trial basis though. I'm not sure if having 2 divas in one car is going to work out. We drove home tonight and she kept glaring at me as though she was trying to let me know that I'm no threat to her. Ooo la la, I don't think she knows who she's messing with here. There won't be any attitude coming from my car unless it's coming from me. I guess I'll have to make it very clear who the diva is of this Mazda.
It really wasn't my intention to hire a diva to fill the mascot position, but I have to say, there was something stupendously divaesque about Joan Sutherfish that reminded me of someone I know. :)

A love letter from Bob

Dearest Diva,
How hard it is to say farewell to my beloved. I'm afraid that the time has come for me to retire as your rearview mirror mascot. My sponginess is gone, my colour has faded, my skin is cracked and crusty from baking in the sun, and my arm is sooo tired from waving at you for the past 4 years. You deserve so much more, more than I could ever give. Of course ever since I lost my nose and had to settle for a Trident gum wrapper prosthesis I just haven't been the same. I have grown weary and it pains me deeply to say this, but it is time for us to depart. Oh How I shall miss the sound of your blaring voice as you sing away to your CD's without a care in the world. And I will indeed miss the excitement and hope that wells up within me every time you glance my way to check your teeth in the rearview mirror. I have watched so much of your life fly by. I have heard you laugh and I have watched you dance. I have heard you cry and I have watched you mourn. We have shared so many intimate moments - moments that I will cherish forever. Do not forget me dearest Diva, for I will never forget you. The memories of our endless car rides will continue to revive me in my final days and my heart shall remain forever faithful to you.
Fare thee well my love.
Devotedly Yours,
Spongykins

Cooly McCool

"Cooly McCool"

THE BIG MAKEOVER
from Brian to Cooly McCool

The Mat Man

AAAAAh it's Friday, How can I tell? The mat man just left the clinic. The mat man is always a fresh reminder that the weekend is only 8 hrs away. He's the chipperest guy on the planet (I know chipperest isn't a word but it's the only way to describe him:) He's always smiling and super chatty as he picks up the mats and switches them for new. I'm glad he comes on Friday cause if he showed up on a Monday I have a feeling I wouldn't find him so refreshing. I'm gonna miss the mat man.

A short poem for the mat man

Mat man, mat man what will I do

when time comes 'round to wipe my shoe?

will you drop by and bring me a mat

and remind me it's friday with your friendly chit chat?

Mat man, mat man you're the best

you're full of life and full of zest.

Mat man, mat man I'm glad you were born

but I sure don't wanna see you on a monday morn :)

Yaaay for the mat man!!!

I heart jeeks

Dr. Lee is such a character. Always quite energetic storming through the clinic like a tornado and joking with us. He's got a cute little Cantonese accent. Today our summer student was wearing an "I love geeks" t-shirt (not exactly the ideal fertility clinic outfit, but it was casual friday so it was ok.) So Dr.Lee goes up to Sukhi and reads her tee shirt and then says in his loud 'I want the entire clinic to hear me' voice:

"why does your t-shirt say I love Jeeks? Your t-shirt should say I am Jeek!! ha ha ha!!"

It was so cute, he said "Jeek" instead of "Geek".

Tee Hee!! :)

Don't worry Dr.Lee, I really don't get the I love Jeeks t-shirt trend either. I myself am particularly fond of Jeeks, but I don't see the point of wearing a t-shirt declaring it to the world. Is it to let the Jeeks of the world know that they are loved? Or is it to give them the confidence to approach you? Or is it just cool to love jeeks? Those t-shirts are definitely an interesting trend. Perhaps I'm just too jeeky to get it :)

a croc of ugliness

As Diva, I feel that it is my responsibility to make an official statement about the latest shoe trend that seems to be catching on like wild fire - Crocs. All I really have to say is ick!!!!

Jen is trying to convince me that they are the most comfortable shoes on the planet. Now that would seem to be an ok excuse coming from a nurse who knows what it's like to be on her feet for 3 consecutive 12hr shifts, but she's not wearing them as a nurse - she's still on mat leave and has been seen wearing them on the street . . . like in public!!!! Can we say Nasty!!! And to make the nightmare even more terrifying she's on a mission to find a baby sized pair for the Little Diva!!!!!

Now that is where I have to put my foot down (my dainty pretty foot that is only worthy of sparkle, satin and fine leather shoes, of course :) It's ok if the rest of my family wants to gallivant around town in their rubber clogs looking ridiculously horrible, but the crocs stop there - It's unacceptable for my petite protégé to have to be subjected to this hideous fashion trend, even if she does just wear them "around the house".

I'm sorry but it is a diva's duty to say "no" to the hideous trendy trends that will make us look back and wonder what on earth we were thinking!!!!. Those shoes just scream "fashion faux pas" with all the holes , clunk, and horrible plastic rainbow colours sans glitter or anything sprakley .

Don't worry Julia, Auntie Diva will save you from those horrible predators to the fashion world- if it's the last thing I do!!! I'll track em down, wrangle them up and throw them into a deep pit never to be seen again. Just call me the Croc Hunter - CRIKEY!!!!!

Baby Bunnies

It really doesn't take much to thrill me. I know with the whole "diva image", some may think that I am high maintenance but really all it takes is seeing a couple of baby bunnies on the street to get me super excited. Sometimes I get so excited about baby bunnies that I get a little carried away. Last night on my way home I had one of those thrilling baby bunny moments and as a result am now thought of as the neighborhood nutbar.

Baby Bunnies are great. Two summers ago our back yard bunny, Peter, had babies in our garden. (We continued to call her Peter even after we realized that he was a she.) Now we'll occasionally see a bunny hopping through the garden and it's a very thrilling thing for us. Whoever sees the bunny makes an announcement to the entire household that Peter has returned (even though it might not be Peter. they all look like Peter so in our house all tan colored cotton tail rabbits are named Peter, it's just easier that way.) It's always quite exciting to see Peter again, whenever he comes to visit I feel like that little girl who used to get super excited at the cottage when I'd see a wild animal on the property.

Back to last night. I'm driving home from Small group and I pull onto my street a little after 11 and right there on the road are two Peters hopping around, chasing each other. Aaaaaaaa!!! I got so excited not one Peter but two, I could barely contain myself. I stopped my car, mainly to avoid seeing a Peter splattered under my tire, but also to give the Peters a special shout out. I rolled down my window and said in a high pitched excited baby bunny kind of voice "Peeeeter!! Hi Peter & Peter!! You two are gonna get run over. You have got to get off the road!" I started honking the horn, trying to scare them onto the grass. It took a little coaxing but they finally ran up onto my neighbor's lawn.

After bidding farewell to the Peters I drove off, checking my rear view mirror to make sure that they were staying on the grass. They were there alright, and behind them sitting on my neighbor’s porch was my neighbor and 2 other members of the Seminole Dr clan ( a group of men from our street who get together and chat it up about their lawns, gardens, roofs, shingles and window trims). I laughed it off cause really who cares what my neighbors think of me! . . . . . .

Apparently My Dad seems to care. He happens to be a part of the Seminole Dr Clan and he came home tonight after chatting with his street pals and asked me what on earth I was doing last night. My Dad tells me that a couple of his friends watched me "talking to myself" on the street last night. My Dad already knows I'm completely insane and has come to accept me for who I am, but he tells me that he would prefer it if I keep my lunacy confined within the walls of our home :)
I say Give me a break lawn boys! Didn't you see the Peters? Couldn't you tell that I wasn't talking to myself but was simply having a pleasant conversation with a couple of baby bunnies on the street. sheeesh!! :)