The Love of God

The Love of God is greater far

Than tongue or pen can ever tell;

It goes beyond the highest star,

and reaches to the lowest hell;

The guilty pair, bowed down with care,

God gave His Son to win;

His erring child He reconciled,

And pardoned from his sin.

O love of God, how rich and pure!

How measureless and strong!

It shall forevermore endure

The saints' and angels' song.

Could we with ink the ocean fill,

And were the skies of parchment made,

were every stalk on earth a quill,

And every man a scribe by trade,

To write the love of God above,

Would drain the ocean dry.

Nor could the scroll contain the whole,

Though stretched from sky to sky.

(Hymn - F. Lehman)

Tc=(5/9)*(Tf-32)

It's freezing cold here. For the past few weeks that's as descriptive I've been able to be when it comes to describing the weather. Whenever somebody here tells me what the temperature is outside, it means nothing to me because it's always in fahrenheit. My car has a thermometer that reads the temperature in centigrade (which makes 100 times more sense than the fahrenheit scale!:), but I won't have my car back until the end of the month, so I finally gave in this morning and looked up the formula for converting Fahrenheit into Celsius. Wow it really is cold out there!! -32C. Makes sense why we were bundled up so well before leaving the "foy-UR" at the Chestnut house last night. :)

tears

This seems to be a real season of tears for me. In the past 8 months I've probably cried more than I have in my entire life time combined. I'd say that since I decided to do this internship I've probably cried enough tears to fill a few oceans, and today being no exception. I'm at the point where I really wouldn't mind going a few days without shedding some tears, but things just keep coming up and it's like all I know how to do is express how I'm feeling by crying. I cry in my office, I cry in my bed, I cry in the shower, I cry while I'm singing, I cry at church - I'm like a leaky faucet that won't turn off, and it's rather ridiculous. I'm thinking of calling the waterproof mascara people and offering to be their teary eyed test subject. At the very least I may get some free make up out of these uncontrollable leaks.

Going lug nuts

My roommate Meaghan graciously offered to drive me to Wal-mart last night so that I could do my grocery shopping, since my car is officially undrivable. As we made our way down the street here in Winona Lake Meaghan noticed that her car wasn’t driving the way it normally did. She kept saying "I think the alignment is off." Soon after we found ourselves out on the street, peeing our pants from laughing so hard as we stood staring at the flat tire on her car. We literally sat for a good ten minutes laughing hysterically before we took action and called for help. After my big car wreck on Sunday we could really only find humor in the situation.

After several attempts to get a hold of someone, We finally got in touch with our intern buddy, Sadler, who claimed that he knew how to change a tire. When he finally came to the rescue, he took one look at the tire and said: “You know something, I don’t really know all that much about cars. You better get it towed.” It was probably the best plan of action given that the lock on Meaghan’s trunk was frozen and the spare wasn’t really accessible. So there we were Meaghan, Sadler and I sitting in the freezing cold ’93 Corolla trying to decide what to do. Sadler casually pulled out several power bars and an orange (which He tends to store in His pockets . . . you'd have to meet Sadler to understand that him having a store house of food in his jacket pockets is a just another thing that makes Sadler a unique creature:) Sadler began munching away as he patiently waited for Meaghan and I to stop peeing our pants.

When I was able to compose myself I pulled out my CAA card and attempted to order a tow truck. My first call somehow ended up at the AAA in California! They then proceeded to transfer me to the Chicago AAA, who then transferred me to the AAA in Michigan. One would think that the most logical transfer would have been the local AAA in Indiana, but who knows how these crazy Americans work:) Really I felt sorry for the AAA representatives. As I was on the phone I couldn't control my little fits of giggles. They were really so patient with me. I finally lost it altogether and had to hand the phone over to Sadler when the Michigan AAA lady asked me if the car had locking lug nuts. How on earth would a diva know what a lug nut is, let alone know whether or not they lock? !! :) Those AAA people must think I'm one big crazy lug nut:)

Stuckman's towing finally showed up at around 11 and Sadler drove us to Wal-mart so that we could stock up on our groceries since neither of us have a car now. Although under most circumstances car trouble is never amusing, last night was just too funny and really quite a release for me after Sunday’s accident.

My Theme Song

I sat down last night to practice after a rather horrible day . I knew that singing a bit would take my mind off of "the car accident of the week". As I was warming up I noticed a copy of How can I keep from singing? Peering out of the top of my binder. I chose it as as my personal theme song a few years ago. I haven't sung it in a while, but somehow that hymn has always been so relevant to me. Yesterday As I sang the words, I found them to be an amazing affirmation of what I was just praying before my practice session. The events of yesterday and the culminatination of challenges I've been facing have forced me to acknowledge daily, that no matter what challenges are placed before me, there is never a good enough reason to stop offering Him all of my praise and thanksgiving. Really, with a loving gracious God like that How could anyone find a reason to keep from singing?

How Can I Keep From Singing?

(Robert Lowry)

My Life flows on in endless song;

Above earth's lamentation

I hear the near though far off hymn

That hails a new creation.

Through all the tumult and the strife

I hear His music ringing;

It sounds an echo in my soul -

How can I keep from singing?

What though my joys and comforts die?

The Lord my Savior liveth;

What though the darkness gathers round!

Songs in the night He giveth:

No storm can shake my inmost calm,

While to the Rock I'm clinging

Since Christ is Lord of heaven and earth,

How can I keep from singing?

I lift my eyes; the cloud grows thin;

I see the blue above it;

And day by day this pathway smooths

since first I learned to love it:

The peace of Christ makes fresh my heart,

A fountain ever springing:

All things are mine since I am Christ's -

How can I keep from singing?

Beyond the Sunset

The Sunsets here in Winona Lake are absolutely glorious. Everytime I'm at the lodege to witness one, I just can't resist grabbing my camera and running outside to try and capture the magnificence of the gorgeous painting before my eyes. Even with my amateur eye and medeocre camera I have managed to capture some beautiful photos. It's so amazing that each sunset is different. God really is the Master artist!

A new technique

Yesterday I had my first singing lesson with a voice teacher here in Winona Lake. Starting lessons with a new teacher has never been fun for me. Whenever I meet with a new teacher and start approaching my singing using their specific technique it feels as though everything I've learned up till now has been meaningless and useless. It's almost as though I have to toss aside everything I've learned about breathing, placement, sound production, vowel modification etc. and start at the very beginning. Any confidence that I have with respect to my singing is completely stripped away. Yesterday as I starred at the all too familiar vocal anatomy posters that every singing teacher has on their studio wall, attempting with all my might to do the vocalises that Don had given me, I felt like a complete amateur. I found myself questioning why it is that I would ever think that I could sing in the first place. It's so strange to be in this position again after so many years of serious training. The process of integrating a new technique is grueling and will take months of hard work. A lot of squawking, screeching and many frustrations are ahead. Yet I know that if I want to improve, this work needs to be done. I know that if I endure this frustrating work, that in a few months I'll hear changes in my voice. I will come to see how the new technique is helping to override some of the natural tendencies in production that may be hindering me from being the singer that I could be. Even though it feels like this is a step backwards I know that this is a good thing for my singing.

It's interesting that I'd be experiencing the grueling "joy” of learning a new singing technique during this season in Winona Lake. The whole stripping away of all that I find comfortable; experiencing feelings of frustration; feeling useless, and discouraged; and realizing how very amateur I am are happening in all areas of my life lately, not just singing. Since arriving here, I've felt like God is trying to teach me a new “technique”, something that in the end will change me and will help to override many of my natural tendencies that may be hindering me from being all that I could be in Him. As I struggle to endure, the only thing that is keeping me from falling apart here is knowing that everything that God allows is good. No matter what, He promises that He will change us, not just change us but transform us into His likeness. I know that if I follow through and grapple with the challenges in my life right now, that in a few months time, just like with my singing, I will see transformation in my life. Even though it feels like my life is dis- jointed in everyway, I know that this is a good thing for me.